in the middle of starting over...

A while back, I left everything I knew and dearly, dearly loved to start over in a new place. Because it felt right. No, because I knew it was right. Now, I find myself - way too long later - still trying to figure out what I'm doing. I'm in the middle of starting over. And that's okay, right? That I am starting over at this point in my life? If I am to believe my Pinterest boards and all the inspirational quotes on my walls, it definitely is. Seriously, I am the Queen of Quotes. I love them. A couple that are on point...

What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. The notion that it's too late to do anything is comical. It's hilarious. We can't, we must not lose the sense of possibilities....

and

For what it’s worth...it’s never too late...to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.

It's a great, and comforting, idea. It sounds good. But, do I really believe it? For me? I'm really good at believing it applies to others. But, when it comes to me - it's easy to think it's too late. That my chance has passed. That I've screwed up too much. That it's too late to start over. But, there is a part of me - the best part of me - the part of me that sees in me who I really am, and really could (and should) be - who does believe it. Who knows with all her heart the truth of Elder Holland's words:

...however late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines.

That's the part of me who got me to this terribly uncomfortable and hard, yet everlastingly beautiful, point in my life. It's why I am int his place, trying with all my might to figure out what the heck I'm doing here. In Utah. Willing myself to remember the very clear, very real answers I received to fervent prayers asking my Heavenly Father to direct me where to go so I could grow into the woman He sees in me. I am working on listening to that part of me and to be at peace with the fact that, at this point in life, I'm right back smack dab "in the middle of starting over."

And that really is okay. And I will be okay. More than okay. And I can make this place my home.

Tired of all the troubles, They been wasting my time. I don't wanna fight, Wanna leave it behind. Taking on faith, Now I'm ready to fly. I'm in the middle of starting over... Alone, in a room. Tearing down the walls. Painting over scars and bruises. Now this is home. Fill it up with love, And make the best of something new. As hard as it seems, I hold my breath and just believe.... The colors in the stars seem a little brighter. Tomorrow isn't far away! Through the hardest part I'm working towards a happy ending.... I'm in the middle of starting over.